Saying Goodbye…

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A week ago our sweet dog Josie started getting sick.

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We took her to the Emergency Vet and they said it was pancreatitis and they gave us some medicines to use.
She still wasn’t better several days later so we took her to our regular vet for more medicines, tests, and fluids.

They said sometimes it just takes a while to get better and to keep trying what we had been.
We took her back each day last week for more fluids.
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She would come home each afternoon and have a few good hours, but by the evening, she would be lethargic again, not eating, not drinking and just sleeping a lot.

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Thursday afternoon she seemed a little better so my little girl and I tried to give her a haircut and then bathed her in our kitchen sink as gently as we could.

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We fully believed that she was going to be healed and healthy and so that night we decided to celebrate my husband’s upcoming birthday and Josie’s Get Well Soon party.
I fixed my kid’s favorite meal and we ate it on our fine china at our dining room table.

My daughter made decorations and a large sign and hung it up behind the table.

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There was a storm that night which always scared Josie, so she spent the entire dinner right by my feet. We had the best time talking and laughing and never thinking that she wouldn’t be with us again.

That night we let her sleep in our room and she spent the night tucked up again my legs. Marcus and I both had trouble sleeping as we were worried about her and when I would look over during the night I could see him sitting up petting her. She was always his girl and he took such good care of her.

The next morning I took her back for another round of fluids. I didn’t have time to go home and get her after I taught class, so I took her with me.
She LOVED riding in the car and I took her with me every chance I got.
Here are some pictures I snapped that morning:

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I took her in on Friday and they decided to re-check her blood tests.

They came back showing that things were not good, and it was from something far more aggressive than pancreatitis.

We had to make some tough decisions and as a family decided that it was best to help end her pain.

I spent Friday grieving.
Then I had to go tell my husband and our kids. Talk about heartbreaking.

My son didn’t think he could go to see her again but my daughter was determined that she wanted to be with her to say good-bye and until the very end.
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We drove over and got to spend a few minutes with our sweet girl again. She gave each of us kisses, ate every single bite of the treats that we took for her (Ham, Pepperoni, a Reeses Cup, and a few M &Ms), and then she was gone.

 

 

 

 

 

I truly think it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, if not the hardest.
She was such a good gift.
She was our baby before we ever had babies.
She was fun and funny, well behaved, smart, and loving.
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She was our best friend in every sense of the word.
While I worked from home she laid on the floor and kept me company. When we walked through the door, she greeted us with her tail wagging. She was with my every single afternoon when I picked up the kids with her head hanging out the window enjoying life to the fullest. When I would cry, she would come and snuggle. When my kids weren’t feeling well, she would lay with them on the couch.
I loved the jingle of her collar, the tapping of her feet coming down the hallway, and her soft ears.

She was a gift and we aren’t ready to let her go. She was healthy, in fact, two weeks ago she had a full physical and all seemed great.
Whatever happened to her happened quick and it’s just turned our world upside down.

I never knew that losing a pet could hurt so deeply.

I’ve lost a dog when I was a child, and then we lost another when I was in college, and it was sad. We missed them and thought about them often. But losing Josie has left a void so big that it’s felt every second that I’m in this house.

It took all that I had today to come home after teaching class to this empty place. I’m sitting and typing looking at where she always laid beside me and wishing more than anything she was there.

We are struggling and yet, we are at peace. We trust the Lord and we know that He is the GIVER of all good things, not the taker.

And because He’s good, I can trust Him.

Even in this.

We grieve. We cry. We hurt.
But we trust.

I know that the Lord is going to use this to help us minister to others in the future. I know that He is using it even now for our good and for His glory. I know that it won’t be wasted.

But right now, in this moment, it’s heavy.

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Run free, Josie girl.

We love you and we’re so grateful for you.

 

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