It hurts. For many of us, It. Just. Hurts.
As my oldest starts 2nd grade and my youngest begins Kindergarten,
for the first time ever, I will not have anyone in daycare, or at home needing
me every other minute to tie a shoe or to fix a snack or to come play
superheroes. For so long I’ve looked
forward to this stage and yet now that it’s here, I feel lost. And sad.
We do our best, don’t we? We try to make the most of the minutes that we have,
and know full well that sometimes we just blow it. All of our grand plans
sometimes fall apart and we just survive the moment. We try to love our little
people well, to build them up, to make them brave enough to face new
situations, strong enough to stand up to people when they need to, and to
submit to authority when appropriate. We pray for them, feed them, dress them,
nurture them, and love them- with everything we’ve got.
They push us to the point of absolute, complete exhaustion and moments when we
think we definitely cannot endure, and then they have a way of looking at us with
their little head tilted and their little hands folded that can take away our
breath at the very real realization of how much we love them.
I can remember the first day that I dropped off my daughter at daycare,
standing in the hallway, sobbing and feeling like “I need a break from this
child but I literally cannot bear the thought of leaving her”. Maybe that’s the
whole synopsis of motherhood right there- knowing that you are pushed to your
absolute limits and the end of yourself, yet still knowing that no matter how
tired you may be, YOU ARE IN THIS THING TOGETHER. TOGETHER. No matter what.
rocking chair that I had nursed her in when she was an infant and looked at
pictures of her and just grieved the loss of those first magical five years.
The ending of a season. As with anything
else in life, some seasons pass quickly and some slowly. Some seasons are full of fun and joy, and
others just aren’t.
Beginnings of new seasons are often scary. And this one? Kindergarten? The
scariest one yet.
Before I knew it, the little baby that I dropped off at daycare grew up, and it
was time for her to start school. And just like that, my little girl walked
right into her classroom and started a new season. A beautiful season. Truly. She has grown so much during the past two
years and school has been a tremendous blessing in our lives.
I now face this same transition with our son- but he is a bit more hesitant. He
has declared that he will NOT be going to Kindergarten and that nothing we can
say or do will change his mind. He wakes up some mornings and looks at me in a
panic asking “is today the day that I have to go?”
And I find myself in that same place of panic…wanting to shield him from ever
having to face anything scary or uncomfortable. Probably feeling the same
emotions that I’m sure many of you do- knowing that this new season is one that
he is ready for, yet scared to death to watch him walk through it.
Parenting is hard. It hurts. Literally hurts at times. And my flawed human
nature wants to protect at all costs- to try to play the role in my kid’s lives
that was only meant to be filled by God.
If it were up to me, they would never experience any pain, never deal with
someone picking on them or not liking them, never struggle with learning slower
than those around them, never have a day where they are left crying on the
playground or have to sit alone at lunch, and never a day where they are embarrassed
in front of their peers.
But friends, life is not that way. I so wish it were.
Even in the hard, God is building up in them strength of character. But more
importantly, these situations have the potential to help them realize their
need for a Savior. If they never had to face anything difficult or painful,
they would have no need for rescue- no need for Jesus.
As hard as this is to believe and to admit- as much as we love them, God loves
them more. And even more than that- they aren’t really ours. They are on loan to us for a while and we get
to help raise them, (what a gift!) but they are the Lord’s.
I cannot protect them from everything in life. I can’t keep my son from crying
on that first day of school, or from potentially struggling through the first
weeks as he adjusts to a new routine. I can’t make sure that my daughter’s
classmates will be kind to her, or that she will have someone to sit with at
lunch. I can’t even control the teachers that are assigned to them and whether
or not they will nurture and love the little people that they were created to
And that scares the mess out of me.
Maybe it does you, too?
So here’s what we have to do- submit it to Jesus.
Do we trust Him? DO WE TRUST HIM? Do I truly believe that He loves my children
and that He is looking out for them, even when I can’t? Do I believe His word
that ALL things work together for our good and for His glory for those that
love Him? Am I willing to trust Him with my most precious possessions- my
Weary Mama- it may be one of the hardest prayers you ever have to say, but
offer it up to Him if you mean it.
Say, “God, I trust You. I trust you with my life and I trust you with the lives
of my most precious treasures- my children. I CHOOSE to trust. I may need to
choose it again minute by minute and hour by hour, but I choose to trust. I believe You are good and I believe that You are
working all things together for our good. Help me to rest in that. When I am
fearful, remind me of Your promises.”
And then, give it to God, sister.
Hit your knees and pray over your children every chance you get.
And as you walk your babies into that building, know that you’re not alone. We
are in this thing together! We are Mamas who are ready and determined to raise
kids that know WHO they are, that know WHOSE they are, and that are ready to raise
up world changers. It’s not a job to be taken lightly, but one that you were made
New school year- new opportunities to grow closer to Jesus and to know Him
The point of it all? To point to Him.
You’ve got this, Mama. I’m praying for you and cheering you on! And if you need
a good cry, that’s okay, too.
And lastly- Here’s a tip I learned from
a friend- wear your sunglasses into the school for the first few days. Trust me.